Neelima Choudhary wakes up every morning at 7 and makes tea for herself and Amit.

She is ready for work by 9 and leaves. Amit leaves for his office by only 10, as his shift

starts only at 11.

At first notice, a normal morning in the life of a perfectly normal couple living in one

of many high-rise apartments in Mumbai. A closer look into their life reveals another

interesting fact – they are not married. They live in a sort of mutual understanding

arrangement, or what we now refer to as a `live in` relationship.

While the moral police have been busy raking up this issue - and a few people in the

process, the spurt in the number of such arrangements have brought spotlights and a few

hard looks at this largely urban phenomenon. Further fuelling more controversies on this

topic is the fact that the Maharashtrian government recently accorded legal status to such

arrangements.

To get a clearer idea of the issue at hand, a definitive explanation of the situation is

required. What exactly is a live-in relationship? A live in arrangement is at heart,

essentially a scenario where a couple, without the institution of marriage, shares a

household. Though this has been a regular occurrence in cities like Delhi and Bangalore

for years, it is only in recent years that so hard a look has been cast upon it. Dr Sharita

Shah, Consultant Woman & Child Psychiatrist at Bhatia Hospital, and Dr. L. H.

Hiranandani Hospital, notes, “Although we are global in our outlook in many ways,

our society does frown upon live-in relationships. Most Indians believe that a man and

woman can only live under the same roof and share a bed if their relationship has been

solemnized by marriage. The taboo does exist in the older generation. But for the younger

lot, who are more influenced by the west and those who have lived abroad, it is more

acceptable.”

Most people arguing for the cause believe that this kind of arrangement enables a

couple to understand each other completely before tying the knot. Vaidehi Naik is an

IT professional in Mumbai. She currently lives with her boyfriend, sharing a flat in

Bandra. “We were going out for two years before we decided to move in together. It

definitely gave me a chance to know what I was getting into. It's different when you

are dating and stay over at each other’s place compared to when you are living together

where you share everything from chores to bills.”

Vaidehi may have a point. Couples planning to marry have started to choose this

option in order to get a preview of what life after marriage can be, and to find out if

they are really compatible with each other. A live in arrangement affords them a real-

time scenario where they manage everything a household requires, and the flexibility

of backing out if the relationship is not really working for them. Studies show that

many marriages in the recent past have ended not for serious reasons like adultery or

harassment, but have been incited by trivial matters like sleeping, snoring, bathroom

habits, etc. A live in relationship is the perfect way to detect and resolve issues like this.

When asked, the most common reason given by couples is that they are in love and want

to spend more time to know each other completely. Good thinking, many young people

today would agree. Vaidehi explains "They say the first year of marriage is the hardest

and if you survive that, then you are in for a long haul. We already lived that. I never feel

trapped that we have to be together now that we are married, but felt that I was given a

chance to know him before I took the decision of living with him for the rest of my life."

Shocking words, perhaps, for parents in India. In a land where the institution of marriage

is ingrained and has been the norm for ages, such radical concepts evince a furore over

the supposed deterioration of the sanctity of marriage and demeaning of wedlock. But

there has been a perceptible shift, notably in the metros. "The level of commitment in a

live-in relationship tends to be less (though there may be exceptions)," says Samindara

Sawant, clinical psychologist, Disha Counselling Clinic, Mumbai , "because when you

are married, your family is also involved. Besides this, those who live-in also often prefer

not to have children. It is also easier to dissolve a live-in relationship than a marriage

because of the [lack of] legal implications."

Perhaps another reason for this arrangement to gain popularity is the rising income levels,

and subsequent independence enjoyed by young people today. Financial reasons are

also good factors for this situation. A couple are together most of the time, including

nights, anyway, so why bother to pay two rents and have two household expenditure

lists?, ask today`s youth. While mainstream society and family factors may frown on

such relationships, the younger generation may not have the dependence on family, and

resulting helplessness to follow practiced norms and perceived values in society. And

yes, in a country like India, where age-old customs and societal approval is still adhered

to, and rigorously followed on a larger note, the very notion of a couple living together

without the “license” of wedlock can raise the hackles of every self-righteous upholder

of Indian culture. “Unacceptable”, opines Rajiv Saxena, an activist with the Bharatiya

Sanskar Sena, an outfit in Bangalore. “Foreign influences and mannerisms are poisoning

the thoughts and lives of the young generation. Today it is live-in, tomorrow it will be

something else”.

Notwithstanding the comments and opinions flying fast around this issue, the simple fact

remains that this scenario is here to stay. Accepted concepts and norms are being broken

in India at break-neck speed today. Generation-Y has refused to conform to traditions and

is not afraid to experiment. Only time will tell whether changes going on today are for the

better or worse for modern India.